Injurytalk.com - Brought to you by Parker Waichman Alonso Mark, LLP

[color=darkred][/color]
Oh, my...reading this string of messages not only makes my heart terribly sad, but makes me even more distressed at EVER having trusted my doctor.  300mg of Effexor (time released) a day, tossed in some xanax and iced the cake with 1000mg of depakote a day oh and to combat the sleepy episodes I told him were associated with the depression he prescribed a daily dose of provigil telling me it was to combat the "drowsy" side effects of all the other stuff.  2 years I've had the continual diet of effexor...I thought I was just isolating when I became angry at having anyone around me.  NOT until today have I read that, [b]that[/b] emotion is driven by this poison.  I have lost my marriage, I am on my last leg of disability at work and just yesterday got out of the hospital from yet another suicide attempt.

About a month ago, I received this very curt, cold letter from my doctor's office advising me that he will no longer be taking my insurance.  I had just seen him two days before.  One would think after 2 years of believing and depending and trusting this man who saw me suffer through my divorce, loosing my badge and gun due to not only the illness but the medications I was taking..COULD have told me in person!  Nope, just dropped me like a hot potato with a little closure statement that he would be happy to "refer" me to another shrink.  It hit me right between the eyes.  The reality of all of it.  I was spending vulgar amounts of money on him (my psychiatrist), weekly therapy sessions and untold amounts of medications.  Even with mere co-pays it ran into the thousands.  So, I decided right then and there, I was going to wean myself off the drugs, stop the therapy...and as they say...sink or swim.  I almost wonder if co-dependency is a secondary illness we ACQUIRE when we begin seeing these doctors!  I say that because WHO is the only one that is overwhelming "understanding" of our issues, "calmly reassures us" no matter what event has taken place, and last but not least...urges us into therapy and refer us to yet another of their "co-workers"????  After all, they can be our prince or princess charming because THEY don't have to deal with our hell, walk in our shoes, see the family being destroyed...they spend merely 45 minutes a month, or week with us and pat us on the head, and tell us to keep on taking those pills!!  Take our money and send us on our way.  I truly believe that the science of psycho-doctors (as a whole) is an all too adictive situation in and of itself. 

I probably should have sought some doctors advice of taking myself off all the drugs, but I didn't have it in my spirit to trust anyone.  I thought, well if I die, at least it will be trying to get myself OFF this stuff rather than continuing my consistant diet of it!  I'm still going through certain physical effects, although as a whole I think its beginning to pass.  Know the funny thing?  I STILL don't feel any more or any less suicidal than before!!  So, I've been taking all this stuff and my emotional state is the same.  It was doing absolutely NOTHING to improve my "mental" outlook. 

In fact (and in closing...sorry got on my soap box) I've ALWAYS had suicidal thoughts and tendencies.  BUT NEVER acted them out until this past May when the increase in the effexor was prescribed.  I've tried it 7 time since.  Unfortunately, 4 of those times I had an unexpected guest show up, my sister called and I didn't answer and knowing I was depressed called the police department and they had to kick the door in, on and on.  I guess what I'm trying to say these were not cries for help.  I truly want out of this hell.  I truly hope getting off this mess helps, because if not...I'm out of here in January.  Yes I'm desparate.  Yes, both my therapist and psychiatrist know of my plans.  But they also know, and will tell you that loss of a patient, while not desirable IS part of it.  Please pray that this mess will soon get out of my system.  It DOES make one want to step over to the other side.
Hasta my friends and sorry I got so long winded...just got carried away.[b][i][u][/u][/i][/b][color=blue][/color]